By Desirae Fu

(Desirae is a 12 year-old adoptee who made these reflections after less than 3 years in the U.S.)


I usually hear a lot of people say things about different people, but I don't think that is only in my ears. When my mommy and daddy came to China to get me, we were walking in a park and I saw many people and kids staring at my mom and dad. I think it was because my dad is a white man. I was actually freaked when people were looking at my dad, and me. So I stopped and thought, what is so strange about that anyway? When I got to America everything got a little better because people did not look at me more than they did my dad.

In the beginning when I first came to America I felt very lonely. I had no one to talk to besides my mommy. I first wanted to be white because some people treated me different. I wish kids didn't say, “Look at the yellow girl with the white dad. He hardly even looks like her!” That kind of made me feel bad, so I tried to just walk with my mom.

Most people always treat others who are not from their country or their type differently because of the way they act, and especially the way that they're born and what they look like but my mommy and daddy talk to me about it. Now I feel that they are wrong when I hear people talking [about me] on the street. So I just ignore it.

I think that it is when I am lonely that I want to be a different person. I try to be nice and make friends. I think when the people look most like me I make friends faster, but if they are not my type I think it takes more time. I want to be white so I can have more friends. It is hard to be friends with so many kids. When I make a friend that is American I hope he/she will not think anything that is bad or different about me, because after all they are a friend.

I was writing this and my teacher read it. He took me to the hall and told me, “Just think that you are in a big circle and always let your trusted people in. If someone is good hearted let them into your circle, but beyond that, don't even think about them, or let them into your circle.” I think maybe he is right about that. So now I can just say, “thank you” and leave it. I am different and if people talk about me I should just forget about it. That sounds easy, but it is hard.

Being Different is Hard

© 2005 OCA-Greater Seattle

OCA - GREATER SEATTLE CHAPTER

EMBRACING THE HOPES AND ASPIRATIONS OF CHINESE AND ASIAN PACIFIC AMERICANS IN THE UNITED STATES